Tennis-X Previews and Notes: Querrey Beats Odesnik, Lusts After Hannah

Monte-Carlo Rolex Masters
Monte Carlo, Monaco
Surface: clay

Seeds: Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, Andy Murray, Marin Cilic, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Fernando Verdasco, Mikhail Youzhny, Ivan Ljubicic, Juan Carlos Ferrero, Tomas Berdych, David Ferrer, Tommy Robredo, Stan Wawrinka, Juan Monaco, Jurgen Melzer, Marcos Baghdatis
ADHEREL
Floaters: Ernests Gulbis, Horacio Zeballos, David Nalbandian, Al Montanes, Feliciano “F-Lo” Lopez, (WC) Richard “Cocaine Kiss” Gasquet, Paul-Henri Mathieu, Nicolas Almagro

Notes: The Top 8 seeds receive byes; opening-round matches of interest are (13) Wawrinka vs. Gulbis (2nd rd. if he can first get by Hanescu), (12) Robredo vs. the hot-handed Zeballos, (7) Youzhny vs. Nalbandian 2nd rd., (16) Baghdatis vs. Montanes, (10) Berdych vs. F-Lo (winner to potentially face Gasquet), (15) Melzer vs. Mathieu, and (5) Tsonga vs. Almagro; Nadal testing the knees; no Roger Federer, or ANY Americans; Cilic has never won a claycourt title; Nadal is the FIVE TIME defending champion; Djokovic was runner-up last year; Melzer is 0-3 in Monte; returning champs are Nadal (2009-05) and Ferrero (2003-02); Nadal also won the doubles in 2008.

Family Circle Cup
Charleston, SC
Surface: clay

Seeds: Caroline Wozniacki, Jelena Jankovic, Victori Azarenka, Sam Stosur, Marion Bartoli, Nadia Petrova, Vera Zvonareva, Daniela Hantuchova, Alona Bondarenko, Elena Vesnina, Virginie Razzano, Aleksandra Wozniak, Melanie Oudin, Vera Dushevina, Melinda Czink, Patty Schnyder

Floaters: Shuai Peng

Notes: Melanie Oudin is the highest-ranked American at the Tier I event without the Williams sisters; returning champs in the field are Jankovic (2007) and Petrova (2006).

TENNIS-X NEWS, NOTES, QUOTES AND BARBS

HANNAH FANTASY: ‘ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE ME MRS. STORM?’ — The wardrobe must be working. ESPN’s Pardon the Interruption’s Tony Kornheiser was suspended for essentially saying workmate Hannah Storm dresses like a skank on The Mothership. Apparently American Sam Querrey doesn’t mind, as Sam tweeted, “ESPN’s Hannah Storm is a such a babe.” Kornheiser was suspended for the radio comment: “Hannah Storm in a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She’s got on red go-go boots and a catholic school plaid skirt…way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now. She’s got on her typically very, very tight shirt. She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body…” Got to like those f-me boots, eh Sam?

DON’T WAIT UP — Want an apology from Wayne Odesnik for transporting HGH and allegedly taking HGH, cheating tennis and his fellow players? Don’t lose any sleep waiting up. “If you have any other questions regarding my tennis, I’d be happy to answer,” Odesnik said regarding an apology after losing in the semifinals on Saturday at the ATP stop in Houston, where he is under fire from fellow players and the media after pleading guilty to transporting illegal doping agents. “I’m not making any more comments toward that situation. As of right now, I told you my statement is where I’m leaving this at. Leaving this up to my lawyer at this stage.” Although he was caught with seven vials of HGH in Australia he denies ever using it. Dumbass!

MISC: Tennis.com’s Tom Perrotta right BEFORE Roger Federer’s meltdown in Miami: “The more Andy Murray and Novak Djokovic struggle, the more I’m awed by Roger Federer…Confidence (and mental strength) can improve technique, but sound technique can also improve the mind. Federer, as it turns out, has a sounder mind and body than anyone.” — Uh, a little premature? Nice U.S. spring hardcourt run Fed, early losses in Indian Wells and Miami. Now a month off, see you on the clay…

Patty Schnyder has played the WTA Ponte Vedra Beach (formerly Amelia Island) event the last 14 years…

If you want to see the problem with American women’s tennis, look at the handful of visibly overweight women in the main draw this week at the WTA Ponte Vedra Beach event. Whether it’s way too much junk in the trunk, visible guts under their tops or just 20-30 extra pounds distributed over the whole body — ya gotta wonder why it is so hard for these American competitors to stay in shape for what is their livelihood. Guess they figure they can be fat and always be a doubles specialist…

Ana Ivanovic has seriously hurt Serbia’s chances in their Fed Cup meeting with Slovakia next month, announcing she is skipping the tie due to her poor form. Jelena Jankovic is scheduled to represent Serbia against the Slovaks…

Lleyton Hewitt pulled from Monte Carlo — thought the hip was good?…

Sam Querrey was in a testy mood beating Wayne Odesnik in the semifinals at Houston. When Querrey questioned an ace by Odesnik during the match, Odesnik said, “It was good,” and Querrey replied, “I don’t need your input buddy.”…

In the Atlantic City-too-much-cash-to-blow exo, Mats Wilander beat Ivan Lendl, Marat Safin defeated Pete Sampras, Andy Roddick beat Sampras, then Roddick beat Safin. Yay! Venus Williams was there as a chair umpire or something. Money for everyone!