Tennis-X Funk/Trunk: Rog Asleep is Funkier Than You

 
2. Roger Federer
Has not played since winning the Wimbledon title -- but is still funky. Funkier than you.
 
3. Radek Stepanek
Steals the LA title from Blake in the final -- just like he stole Hingis' heart! Awwww!
 
4. Steve Darcis
Belgian who looks like a woman in drag wins Amersfoort title as a qualifier. Do Belgians really name their kids "Steve"?
 
5. Anna Chakvetadze
Chaky IS the WTA Tour while the stars take a break, winning Cincy last week as the top seed, and now this week the top seed at Stanford. Could you pick her out of a line-up? Go women's tennis!
 
...Who's in the Trunk

5. ATP
We're in the run-up to the US Open -- why are guys in Europe still playing on clay?
 
4. WTA
Why do your stars play one event then take a one-month break?
 
3. United States Tennis Association
There's Venus, then there's Serena, then there's...nobody! Get some freaking kids on the court!
 
2. LA
The USTA-owned ATP event, formerly the playground of the stars and the on-court playground of Andre Agassi, Pete Sampras and Andy Roddick, now stars James Blake and Radek Stepanek. And by a number of sources, this year's event was a big downer.
 
1. James Blake
When the final comes around, it's door-closing time. Close the door. Don't let players like Radek Stepanek come through the door.